i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
