Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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