i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
