I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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