I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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