right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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