went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
