You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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