The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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