Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
