.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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