do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i drank out of a bidet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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