she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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