Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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