Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
