Whod you bang
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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