Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
