your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
