Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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