I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
