So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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