I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
