As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
