I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
