Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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