sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
