My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
