Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
