i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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