shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
