All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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