The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
