You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
