My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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