in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
