Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
