Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
40s are totally the cure
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
