It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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