remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i've created a new STD.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
