No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
