Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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