i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
