So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dear god my vagina.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
