this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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