I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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