I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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