you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
