I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
