I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
