Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
