All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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