You really coming over, don't trick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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