in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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