Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
